Self portrait with green headscarf

This painting was born out of frustration. I was working, unsuccessfully, on a different painting on this canvas, so I turned the canvas round and began again. You can still see elements of it in the background if you look carefully and I like what that brings to this piece, both in terms of marks and texture and a sense of the piece having a history. After I had painted out the other figure, I decided to work from myself. I began in charcoal : pencil and powder. I especially love how powdered charcoal looks when pressed into the weave of the canvas. Once I had finished the drawing, I worked in very thin acrylic. These layers aren't really visible now but it allows me to work in a loose way with thin, drippy layers. It makes the painting process more expressive and less about a likeness. I then worked over those layers with oils. The oil paint is thicker and this stage is partly about adding detail and refining, partly about allowing the particular qualities of the oil paint add to the overall expressiveness of the painting.
I often return to self portrait when I am feeling unsure or want to understand better how I am feeling. My second child had recently left home and I was feeling redundant, low and unsure of myself but confronting those feelings as I painted, allowed me to meet my own gaze and notice that I was also steady, calm and able to face the shift in my life. I love this painting. It grounds and centres me when I look at it and reminds me of my strength.

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